Thursday, 14 August 2014

Robin Williams’ 50 greatest jokes

Robin Williams with his Oscar for Best Supporting Actor in Good Will Hunting. Source: AFP
Williams dressed as a cheerleader in 1979 for Mork and Mindy. Source: AP
Robin Williams was a comedy legend. Source: Getty Images
Robin Williams toured in Australia a couple of times. Source: Getty Images
Williams was 63 when he died. Source: AP
Robin Williams after being awarded Hasty Pudding Theatrical's Man of the Year award for 1989. Source: AFP
Robin Williams performs "Blame Canada", a song nominated for Best Original Song, during the 72nd Academy Awards. Source: AFP

IN MEMORY of Robin Williams’ passing, here are 50 of his greatest jokes.

1. “If it’s the Psychic Network, why do they need a phone number?”

2. “The Second Amendment: It says you have the right to bear arms, or the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do!”

3. “We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.”

4. “Oy! Ten thousand years in a tin can will give you such a crick in the neck!” — as Genie in Aladdin (1992)

5. “Freud: If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother.” — as Tim Dobbs in Man of the Year(2006)

6. “I had sex with a prostitute when I was 21. I was so bad, she gave me a refund.”

7. “I will be there as soon as I can! You have to give me a more specific location, you are a big country. You are the kindest country in the world. You are like a really nice apartment over a meth lab.” — Reddit AMA response to a fan asking if he’d come to Canada to hug them.

8. “If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.”

9. “Cricket is basically baseball on Valium.”

10. “They said that marijuana was a ‘performance-enhancing drug.’ Marijuana enhances many things — colours, tastes, sensations, but you are certainly not f**king empowered. When you’re stoned, you’re lucky if you can find your own goddamn feet. The only way it’s a performance-enhancing drug is if there’s a big f**king Hershey bar at the end of the run.”