Under The Angsana Tree: The Ice Queen Personality

Definitions:

A woman who lacks the ability to empathize or put herself in "another's shoes".
A woman who lacks the ability or chooses not to effectively define or react to another's mode of thought and mood.
A woman who is so OVERLY concerned with her situation that she does not prioritize or account for another's needs.
A woman who lacks empathy in situations where a another's needs are clearly greater than her wants.

Quotations:

You arrive late to dinner because you were in a car accident. After explaining your situation, the ice queen yells at you for being late.
The ice queen's cold personality trait may stem from a troubled past or a lack of life experience.
The ice queen is hard to get along with because she fails to understand people's feelings.

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An Example:

A man was reading his HP in his computer room, as usual.
A woman came into the room to sweep the floor.
Man went out of room to continue his HP on the sofa in the living room.
But he dozed off after awhile.
Woman said in a raised voice which awakened man.
"There is a couch in TV room & a mattress upstairs made for you to have your naps. Why must you sleep on the sofa in the living room? Told you this a couple of times before but you are still doing it"
Man was silent and remained where he was.
After a while, woman returned "Always out to irritate me. In no time, I have to replace the sofa if you keep on sleeping there."
Man replied "I did not come here to sleep. I was reading my HP but dozed off, cos I was having Insomnia and had not been sleeping well last few nights. Cannot sleep in peace, wish I were dead. Cannot imagine what if we are living on the 10th storey."
Woman "Go ahead, do it! Who is stopping you? Talk only!"
Man was bewildered and taken aback on hearing this. He was very sad as it was unbecoming that a person who attends Novena, had just completed a Pilgrimage in Melaka and would be going to another in Poland, could have said that.
Man blamed himself for the sudden outburst and predicament. He was very depressed.

What do you call such a person???

An Ice Queen

Conventionally, Ice Queens are physically attractive women with off-putting personalities and repulsive attitudes. They are very narcissistic and have little regard for another’s interests and feelings; they show little or no empathy. Ice Queens exude an air of determination and steely anger beneath the surface, causing others to tread lightly when they are around. From her point of view, you have to be really special before she allows you, often temporary, emotional access. Deep down, however, she is lonely, fearful and compensates with an inflated icy exterior due to an extreme sense of vulnerability.

Ice Queens come in different types. Some are known as ‘Iron Ladies,’ and are usually in high political office where they make a point of showing they are tougher than the rest and are not to be messed with; think Margaret Thatcher. At other times they can be seen as ‘The Baroness’ – ruthless, cold, and demanding. Some other identifying traits include:

They cannot, or do not, want to empathise with another person’s experience, point of view, or concerns, no matter how desperate that person is.
They come across as disrespectful, cold, unfeeling, and contemptuous of other people.
They are chiefly concerned with their preoccupations; their needs and thoughts matter above everything else.

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What does it mean to be an ice queen?

People call other people names for all the usual reasons. Cause they're mean, cause they're bullies, or cause they don't get, or don't care, about other people. Ice Queen isn't the most terrible thing you can get called, but why do some people feel that they are allowed to put labels on someone else?

Everyone is different. Unfortunately, introverts tend to get a bit more than their fair share of labels, just because they can't/won't/don't play the social games that extroverts consider a vital part of life.

It could be that this woman is a true introvert, in which case interacting with other people sucks the energy right out of her. Or she may be shy (which is not the same thing). Or she may have other things going on in her life and doesn't have the time or energy to waste on the usual stuff that goes on around campus. She may not be terribly socially adept, so stands to one side and watches what is happening, which some people can take as aloof or stand-offish, or even as judging.

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The Ice Queen Phenomenon

I would like to address the Ice Queen phenomenon, as I understand it. My definition of an Ice Queen is a woman who gives the impression of being unfriendly and unreceptive to a man approaching her. Here are my credentials: I've totally been guilty of being the Ice Queen myself, especially in my younger years. I've never been afraid of stubbornly deflecting anyone I felt uneasy about. Then again, at that time I was painfully shy and unhealthily afraid of pretty much everyone. *sigh*

It wasn't that I disliked people. Rather, I lived under the belief that everyone automatically disliked me, for some reason I was blind to. You could easily say I had an inferiority complex. I really wanted to be friends with people, but my biggest fear was of being an annoyance to anyone, so I tried to stay out of everyone's way, would never voice an opposing opinion, and kept from doing anything that might draw attention. My "reasoning" was that people who actually wanted to be friends would naturally make the first move to get to know me. (Although if anyone ever actually did, I was usually suspicious of their motives until I knew enough about them to trust them! Brilliant, right?)

So thus, I had a very difficult time making friends, and was never taught how to act around boys or how to attract any positive attention. Or any attention at all.

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Dating an ice queen? Here are 15 crucial things you need to know

An ice queen. The woman that every man is intimidated to approach and every girl looks up to be.

She knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to go and get it. Yes, she appears like a bitch, but there’s much more to it than that:

If you’re dating a bonafide “ice queen”, here are 15 things that you need to keep in mind.

Ice queens have usually been hurt….badly
Has she told you she likes you? You’d better believe her
She doesn’t “need” you
She’ll be completely devoted to you
She’s crazy in bed
She’s emotionally mature
She has her own life in lock
She doesn’t care what other people think
She has built up a huge wall to protect herself
She means what she says and says what she means
She treats others with genuine kindness
She can’t stand small-talk
She’s real
She has her boundaries
She’ll love you like a king

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Here’s What You Need To Know About Dating An Ice Queen

I’ve been called an “ice queen” and a mean girl more often than I want to admit. While I do have my mean side, that doesn’t mean I don’t have a sweet side, as well. Many good women I know have been frozen out by guys because of their often brusque demeanors. Before you cast aside the Ice Queen in your life, it’s important to realize the following things:

ICE QUEENS HAVE BEEN HURT. BADLY
STILL WATERS RUN DEEP
WE BUILD UP WALLS TO PROTECT OURSELVES
AT TIMES, WE REALLY DON’T MEAN TO BE MEAN
ICE QUEENS CAN MAKE VERY DEVOTED GIRLFRIENDS
WE’RE CAPABLE OF HOLDING OUR OWN
WE’LL ALWAYS BE A CHASE
WHEN OUR ICE QUEEN SIDE MELTS, WE’LL GO TO THE ENDS OF THE WORLD FOR YOU
WE’RE THE KIND OF CATCH THAT WILL WOW OTHER PEOPLE

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Cold People: What Makes Them That Way?

Doubtless, you've had the experience of interacting with someone who was, we'll say, off-puttingly stand-offish. Detached, seemingly preoccupied, and not at all open or friendly, they seemed to hold you at a distance. And if you tried to say something to ease the situation, their response (though not exactly inappropriate) pretty much nullified your efforts.

Or, you may have begun a romantic relationship that started out promising, but over time compelled you to confront the fact that the other person really wasn't letting you in. Despite all your attempts to "grow" the connection, to make it more mutual and heartfelt, he or she seemed to prefer that it remain as it began—uncommitted, relatively superficial, and impersonal. Any natural progression toward greater intimacy (at least emotional intimacy) simply wasn't happening. And trying to cultivate more patience, to cut the other person more slack, or make allowances for their perhaps having an especially "private" nature, ultimately didn't seem to make any difference in your feeling uncomfortably removed from them.

Hopefully, this is a relationship you walked away from. Odds are that in both cases I've portrayed, you were dealing with a person who might best be understood as having what in developmental psychology is called an avoidant attachment pattern. This most useful concept—introduced into the literature by Mary Ainsworth who, along with her mentor, John Bowlby, represent the chief pioneers in the vital field of attachment theory—focuses on the nature of children's attachment to their earliest caregiver as it crucially shapes how they'll relate to others later in life.

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How to Truly Forgive Someone And Let Go

THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS – AND WHY IT’S HARD

The act of forgiveness may just be the single most powerful antidote for the pain caused by others.

Forgiveness does not mean that you “forget it and move on.” Nor does forgiveness mean that you absolve the person of their actions.

Forgiveness, instead, is choosing to compassionately release the desire to punish someone or yourself for an offense.

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What Percentage Ice Queen Are You?