Wife Sharing: Why Does My Husband Want To Share Me Sexually?
Dental surgeon Melanie Chan (name changed), 32, has been married to her college sweetheart for over nine years. Although she describes her relationship as ‘wonderful,’ she says there is one problem: the idea of wife sharing. “My husband wants to share me sexually,” she wrote, looking for answers.
In her letter, Chan says that after one whole year of persuasion, she finally caved. “I decided to have sex with our common college friend. It wasn’t special at all, but my husband was turned on by it. I try to understand this, but I fail to,” Chan writes. “Weirdly enough, this didn’t stop there. We even had a swapping episode with another couple. I thought this would be the end. But he asked to persuade another friend of ours just months after this. I reluctantly did,” says Chan who has two kids with her husband. She says that she is unable to understand why her husband wants to share her sexually. “If it wasn’t for my kids, I would’ve left. I don’t see how my husband’s desire to share me sexually is ‘normal.’ I want him to stop. What should I do?” she writes.
In recent years, the term “wife sharing” has gained attention and sparked controversy within many social circles. This practice, also known as “cuckolding,” involves consensually sharing one’s spouse with another person for sexual pleasure. While this may seem like a taboo subject, it has become a popular topic of discussion and debate. Some view it as a form of open-mindedness and exploration, while others see it as a betrayal of traditional monogamous values. With the rise of the internet and social media, the concept of wife sharing has become more accessible and prevalent, leading many to question its morality and impact on relationships. So then why do couples indulge in wife sharing? The answer could very well lie in how a woman is coerced into this practice, her husband’s motivation to watch his wife with another man, and the factors that drive this motivation.
What is wife sharing?
In recent years, the term “wife sharing” has gained attention and sparked controversy within many social circles. This practice, also known as “cuckolding,” involves consensually sharing one’s spouse with another person for sexual pleasure.
While this may seem like a taboo subject, it has become a popular topic of discussion and debate. Some view it as a form of open-mindedness and exploration, while others see it as a betrayal of traditional monogamous values. With the rise of the internet and social media, the concept of wife sharing has become more accessible and prevalent, leading many to question its morality and impact on relationships.
Why a man would want to convince his wife to participate in this act:
- To Fulfil Voyeuristic Desires - Many men use pornography to satisfy their voyeuristic desires. So if they use this as a way to spice up their sexual lives, it is possible that they also consider wife-sharing as normal. Furthermore, this wife-sharing article aims to highlight the hidden desires that most couples share.
- To Prove Manhood - Like your typical wife-sharing article, we need to discuss a man’s tendency to prove their manhood. Watching their wives sleep with other men can also arouse some men.
- To Try the Thrill of a Taboo - Many husbands persuade their wives to engage in this activity just to experience the thrill. Society often stigmatises an unfaithful husband or wife.
- To Engage in Bisexual Desires - In many cases, male bisexuality is the reason behind wife-sharing. He might not be able to come clean about it, but he might want to enjoy it both ways. Most of this stems from insecurity.
- To Hide Shortcomings in Bed - In some cases, the husband convinces his wife to sleep with somebody else because he cannot satisfy her. This could be because of an underlying health issue, impotence, age or other health complications.
- To Enjoy Masochism - In the early 19th century, Austrian writer and journalist Leopold von Sacher-Masoch became famous for his books on sexual flagellation. He wrote extensively about female dominance in the bedroom.
- To Make Some Cash - All over the world, men enjoy the luxuries that are bought by their partner’s sexual exploits. On some occasions, people relate this to becoming a swinger or a gigolo.
- To Enjoy Misogyny - One of the reasons why your husband may be keen on sharing you is because he wants to belittle you. It usually follows the scenario, “My husband wants me to flirt with other guys so he can use it against me.
What Is Cuckolding, and Why Are People So Turned On By It?
Cuckolding, while it doesn't seem very well-known or talked about, is in fact a very common fantasy among couples. In researching for his book Tell Me What You Want, Justin J. Lehmiller, Ph.D., surveyed 4,175 Americans and found that 26 percent of heterosexual women, 52 percent of heterosexual men, 42 percent of non-heterosexual women, and 66 percent of non-heterosexual men had fantasized about cuckolding. There are even entire subreddits on Reddit devoted to the r/cuckoldcommunity, r/cuckholdstories, and even r/cuckoldpsychology each with tens of thousands of members.
But what does cuckolding mean, exactly? The history of cuckolding can be a bit complicated — but that's exactly why, as a sex educator and relationship therapist, I'm so passionate about educating, breaking stigmas, and empowering people to embrace who they are. (Even the parts of you that you don't even know about yet!) TBH, I'm not a fan of the internet's official definition of cuckold. But, for the sake of history and continuing to break down heteronormitve stereotypes in our society, let's talk about it. According to Merriam-Webster, a cuckold is a man whose wife is unfaithful. The wife of an adulterous husband is a cuckquean. For example: In Hamilton, after it's discovered that Alexander Hamilton himself has been sleeping with another woman, her husband writes to Hamilton saying "uh oh, you made the wrong sucker a cuckold."
Over the years (thank goodness), the term cuckolding has evolved to mean something more along the lines of a fetish or kink in which a person (often called "the cuck") gets turned on by their partner (often called "the cuckoldress") having sex with someone else (often called "the bull"). In many scenarios, the cuck is turned on specifically by watching their partner have sex with someone else. Of course, like many other words in the realm of sexuality, the exact definition can be up to each couple's interpretation and what each person is happily consenting to (probably after having lengthy discussions about comfort levels). Nowadays, you could interview several couples who all participate in cuckolding and they could each have different ideas of what cuckolding means to them — that's the magic of communication, experimenting, and the ever-evolving world of sexuality!
The Complex Psychology of Cuckolding
Cuckolding essentially is a sexual interest where somebody is turned on, or they derive arousal from watching their partner have sex with somebody else. Cuckolding could involve any number of gender and sexual orientation combinations.
In a threesome, three partners are all sexually interacting. In a cuckolding scenario, there are three people, but they are not all mutually involved participants in the sexual activity. The cuckold is the person who is watching.
For some people, it may be. For example, when I ask people, "Where did your favorite sexual fantasy come from?" A couple of people said, "My partner cheated on me, and ever since then, I've been turned on by the idea of my partner doing that." For some people, I can see eroticized cheating as being the source. But for other people, they may get aroused when seeing their partner sexually pleased and satisfied. There also are those who take great pleasure in knowing other people find their partner attractive, but their partner is still going to come home with them.
What Is Cuckolding? The Meaning of the Fetish Sex Term Some Couples Are Embracing
You've probably heard the word used on podcasts, in articles about sex or even alluded to in popular songs, but what is "cuckolding"? Turns out the word originally derives from the cuckoo bird, which has a tendency of laying its eggs in other birds' nests.
When a human is involved in the act of cuckolding, however, the eggs haven't yet been made. Instead, the term alludes to when a man or woman has sex with a partner who is already married to someone else. Sometimes, it's out of wedlock, and the experience is essentially just cheating with a fancy term. Other times, it's a fetish in which some married partners enjoy watching their spouse have sex with other partners. As the BBC reported in 2009, the female bird's disloyalty to her mate is why we use the term with sometimes negative connotations.
"With that whiff of unfaithfulness, the carefree bird gave us the word 'cuckold,' which came in the Middle Ages to mean a husband with an errant wife," the BBC's Janet Williams wrote. "But there are more subtleties in that rude gesture. The word 'cuckold' also implies that the husband is unaware of his wife's infidelities. And he might only find out on the arrival of a baby — palpably not his. Which takes us back to the cuckoo." However, it's not necessarily always a bad thing — in fact, sometimes it's what gets spouses off, creating healthy, happy marriages.
Cuckold
1815 French satire on cuckoldry, which shows both men and women wearing horns
A cuckold is the husband of an adulterous wife; the wife of an adulterous husband is a cuckquean. In biology, a cuckold is a male who unwittingly invests parental effort in juveniles who are not genetically his offspring. A husband who is aware of and tolerates his wife's infidelity is sometimes called a wittol or wittold.
The word cuckold derives from the cuckoo bird, alluding to its habit of laying its eggs in other birds' nests. The association is common in medieval folklore, literature, and iconography. English usage first appears about 1250 in the medieval debate poem The Owl and the Nightingale. It was characterized as an overtly blunt term in John Lydgate's The Fall of Princes, c. 1440. Shakespeare's writing often referred to cuckolds, with several of his characters suspecting they had become one. The word often implies that the husband is deceived; that he is unaware of his wife's unfaithfulness and may not know until the arrival or growth of a child plainly not his (as with cuckoo birds).
The female equivalent cuckquean first appears in English literature in 1562, adding a female suffix to the cuck. A related word, first appearing in 1520, is wittol, which substitutes wit (in the sense of knowing) for the first part of the word, referring to a man aware of and reconciled to his wife's infidelity.
Unprecedented wife-sharing fantasies
Over a span of 8 years, a group of 7 men conspired with each other to rape each other's wives. (Illustration:Rafa Estrada)
The last suspect in several "wife-sharing" rape cases, which were carried out by men who met online, went on trial at the High Court on Tuesday (Aug 15). The 44-year-old man, named only as "O" in court documents, claimed trial to a charge of conspiracy to commit rape on an occasion between 2010 and 2011.
He also faces eight charges of circulating obscene images on the Sammyboy forum, and possessing 118 obscene videos. These have been stood down during the trial. O is the last of the seven men in the "wife-sharing" network to be dealt with in court, and the only one to claim trial. Five other men have been convicted of rape, and one man of attempted rape.
The main culprit in the case, a 42-year-old man known as "J", was sentenced in May to 29 years' imprisonment and the maximum 24 strokes of the cane. J conspired with five other men to have his wife drugged and raped over a period of eight years. He also conspired with two men to rape their wife or ex-wife. O's alleged victim is J's wife. All parties in the case cannot be named due to gag orders imposed by the court.
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