Saturday, 12 October 2013

15 most annoying plane passengers

Update 13 Dec 2013: Airlines seek new rules to handle unruly travellers

Fighting soccer fans, fashion models screaming obscenities and a French film star relieving himself in the gangway are just a few well publicised examples of what airlines say is a growing trend of abusive passenger behaviour on planes.

Briefing journalists this week, the International Air Transport Association (IATA) said it aims to use a conference in Montreal next March to seek agreement on the rights of crews and captains to do whatever is necessary to subdue offenders.

"Unruly passenger on the increase," Tim Colehan of the Geneva-based grouping told reporters. " It is a problem which our crews and other travellers face every day."

15 most annoying plane passengers

You know those really annoying people who you hope never sit next to you on the plane, but do? The rather large bloke with bad breath who hogs the arm rest; the terrible tot who kicks your seat the whole way; the screaming baby…From stag dos to screaming babies, here's how to deal with the most bothersome people on your flight.

1. The Chatterbox
You’re tired. Your body says it’s 3am but it’s 7pm local time. You would like nothing more than to be in your own bed. But you’re on a plane, thousands of miles from home. Maybe you could just close your eyes, float away... But no! Your neighbour wants to chat. They’ve had a drink or two. Their wife ran off with their squash partner. And they don’t have the social awareness to realise that you don’t care

2. The screaming baby
Why always me? How many times have you sat at Gate 7, praying that you’ll be well out of earshot of that wailing tot? And of course it turns out that you're sitting right next to said tot. Two hours of tears later, they projectile vomit all over your linen suit

3. The Garlic Eater
Halitosis is a sensitive issue, as you may recall from reading the problem page of Minx when you were 13. Alongside ‘my boyfriend is obsessed with N-Sync: is he gay?’ there was always a traumatised Bex, B*Witched fan, Gravesend, who agonised over whether she should tell her best friend that she should clean her teeth? Alas, Bex’s bezzie mate (Emma, 12, Steps fan…) is not alone in suffering from this unfortunate affliction – and being stuck next to a minky mouth is in-flight hell

4. The Hen Party
Sue is getting married. She is bedecked in veil, tiara and L plate. She is flying with a gaggle of dip-dyed women in pink T-shirts reading ‘Sue’s Hen Do, Malaga ‘13’, and ‘Mother of the Bride’ etc. Sue has necked a bottle of Lambrusco in the check-in queue, tells rows 14-25 how wonderful is her Gaz (Gaz is currently on his 11th pint of Magners in Bottoms Up, Riga) then launches into another rendition of 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun'

5. The Stag Do
Gaz is getting married. He sports a polo shirt that reads ‘Gaz’s Stag Do, Riga ’13. He is flying with a gang of geezers including a more senior gentleman whose shirt has ‘Old Codger 69’ on the back. Gaz is drunk. But not as drunk as his best man, who will shortly attempt a crude pass at a stewardess and start a brawl with members of ‘Trev’s Stag Do, Riga ‘13’

6. The smartphone addict
They might miss a vital email, so they must keep their ‘device’ switched on, even if it means risking jamming the computer systems and bringing down the plane. And as soon as the plane lands, despite the steward’s warning to leave your phone alone until you’re well inside the airport building, they’re on it again. “I’m at Heathrow, yeah. What? Yeah, it’s rubbish? Yeah, ciao!"

7. The bogey hunters
I don't think I'm hungry anymore

8. Family (not so) friendly seat
Is there an adults-only section?

9. The Gate Change
What the...?

10. The goose berry
Get. A. Room

11. Noisy neighbours
You can sleep anywhere? That's nice

12. The Noise Polluter
I thought it was called a personal stereo?

13. Party Poop-er
Nappy holidays

14. Seat with a view
Just admiring the view, I mean, err..

15. The Great Unwashed
What's that you're wearing?

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